Here are some actual news releases I received this holiday season. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
~Cricket Customers Can Now Text Message Their Christmas Wishes To The Jolly Man in Red at SANTA ~
In a recent statement, Santa Claus has recommended that all the boys and girls throughout the country stop addressing envelops to his workshop and start text messaging him directly.
From: B. McD... [I did not make up his initials!]
Sent: Monday, December 19, 2005 9:56 AM
Subject: THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT NOBODY WANTS
Big holiday dinners have an unspoken dark side: the gastrointestinal distress that results from getting stuffed on fatty main courses, buttery sides, and creamy desserts.
Flatulence, irritable bowels, heartburn, indigestion, and growling guts are all conditions that can be treated without polluting our bodies with antacids and other over-the-counter drugs that, for many people, don't even work.
Interview Bill Downs, one of the world's leading experts on diet and digestion....
To arrange an interview with Bill, please contact XXX XXXX at 610-642-XXXX xXXX, or XXX@GregoryFCA.com.
Thank you for your consideration!
From: Brian M...
Sent: Monday, December 12, 2005 1:56 PM
Subject: WHY CHRISTMAS STINKS
Those big family dinners we enjoy at Christmas have an unspoken dark side, one that's among society's last taboos: the flatulence that results from gastrointestinal distress.
Instead of spreading Christmas cheer, we're spreading Christmas gas...
Sent: Tuesday, December 06, 2005 10:57 AM
Subject: GASTRO EXPERT OFFERS TIPS FOR AVOIDING XMAS INDIGESTION
Interview Bill Downs, one of the world's foremost experts on diet and digestion, and find out how your audience can avoid this year's holiday eating hazards. Bill can provide a wealth of suggestions that will help people keep their taste buds and their digestive systems happy during (and after!) their big holiday feasts.
Downs has over twenty years of expertise in diet, digestion, nutrition science, and biological chemistry...
Downs can also discuss:
* What holiday foods are most likely to cause indigestion
* Why people tend to get gassy around the holidays
* What's the best way to tell someone they have offensive gas
* How to survive holiday feasts without over-stressing your digestive system
* How to control indigestion over the long-term
* What causes flatulence (farting)
* Why farts are funny to everyone except the person suffering with them